1.  People Who Wear Jeans To Workout at the Gym.

I’m looking at you 30 year old guy who goes to my gym and thinks he’s Jean Claude Van Damme.  Why anybody would want to wear such a restricting piece of clothing while doing lunges and squat thrusts is beyond me.  I can’t even do a jumping jack in jeans without feeling like the denim is raping my calves.  He always gets on the treadmill right next to mine, runs at a sprint for 3 minutes and promptly gets off and practices round house kicks.  My boobs and facial expression are exactly like this when I glance over at him:

My facial expression is like hers because I’m a sassy, black woman and my boobs always bounce like that on the treadmill when I’m not wearing a proper sports bra.  I just don’t understand why this guy wears jeans to the gym, especially on the treadmill.  I imagine the only people who exercise in jeans are carjackers and Miley Cyrus backup dancers.

2.  Women Who Refuse to Wear Their Hair Up While Working Out

You are an enigma to me.  I can barely make it through an entire day without getting frustrated with my hair and pulling it up in a ponytail.  If it didn’t make me look like a matrionaly lesbian entering the final stages of menapause, I would probably cut my hair as short as possible.  But unfortunately I can’t pull off the Jamie Lee Curtis Activia! commercials look, it just doesn’t work for me.  So how a woman can run 2.5 miles on a treadmill with her hair plastered to her sweaty forehead is beyond me.  You want to look like Bo Derek in 10, but you look like Ursula from The Little Mermaid.  Which ends up making me feel like Sebastian, crabby (get it? because he’s an actual crab aka crustation! The laughs never fucking start stop!)