Chasing Sharks: Faster Than the Speed of Awesome

I write important things about stuff
(Not really, this blog is mostly dick jokes)

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Things That Annoy Me That Probably Shouldn’t

1.  People Who Wear Jeans To Workout at the Gym.

I’m looking at you 30 year old guy who goes to my gym and thinks he’s Jean Claude Van Damme.  Why anybody would want to wear such a restricting piece of clothing while doing lunges and squat thrusts is beyond me.  I can’t even do a jumping jack in jeans without feeling like the denim is raping my calves.  He always gets on the treadmill right next to mine, runs at a sprint for 3 minutes and promptly gets off and practices round house kicks.  My boobs and facial expression are exactly like this when I glance over at him:

My facial expression is like hers because I’m a sassy, black woman and my boobs always bounce like that on the treadmill when I’m not wearing a proper sports bra.  I just don’t understand why this guy wears jeans to the gym, especially on the treadmill.  I imagine the only people who exercise in jeans are carjackers and Miley Cyrus backup dancers.

2.  Women Who Refuse to Wear Their Hair Up While Working Out

You are an enigma to me.  I can barely make it through an entire day without getting frustrated with my hair and pulling it up in a ponytail.  If it didn’t make me look like a matrionaly lesbian entering the final stages of menapause, I would probably cut my hair as short as possible.  But unfortunately I can’t pull off the Jamie Lee Curtis Activia! commercials look, it just doesn’t work for me.  So how a woman can run 2.5 miles on a treadmill with her hair plastered to her sweaty forehead is beyond me.  You want to look like Bo Derek in 10, but you look like Ursula from The Little Mermaid.  Which ends up making me feel like Sebastian, crabby (get it? because he’s an actual crab aka crustation! The laughs never fucking start stop!)

Filed under Raven Simone I just love that gif so much i want to kiss it

  1. mikewendtreviews said: oh my god that Raven video/pic is cracking my shit up today
  2. burgermeisternyc said: you should have babies with that gif!
  3. buildingaladder said: I feel like you instinctively knew that I am walking out the door in mere minutes to go to the gym for the first time in AGES. Hair pulled up, ill-fitting sports bar and too-short yoga pants on!!
  4. alex-lately said: please add to this: women who wear makeup to the gym & people who just sit at the machines and DON’T actually use them. :| So annoying.
  5. dorothypzbornak said: amazing as usual. and I dont get how people don’t pull their hair back. I can barely make it through WORK with my hair down.
  6. joesgiantrobots said: Welcome back!
  7. stephjar posted this