I’m cleaning out my desk at work today because I’m moving to a new location and I realized the only things I’m really bringing with me, besides work stuff like paperclips and files (booooring), are my I Love Jesus mug and my jar of eyeballs.

I’ve had this jar of eyeballs on my desk since like two Halloweens ago.  When the holiday was over I thought to myself “I should probably put that away until next year!” But by than it had already grown too close to my heart so I decided it would be out year round.  I work in a hospital so in my mind it made complete sense.

It’s always been a good conversation starter like “Look at how lazy I am!” or “Look at how weird I am!” or “Let’s talk about murder!”  Which is fine because I love talking about murder.  Forensic Files is probably my favorite show of all time. But without fail somebody will always come into my office and ask with complete sincerity (and slight awe), “Omg are those real eyes? Whose eyeballs are those?!” My only response to that is to give them an angry side eye (get it? eye!) while I lick my lips menacingly.  Actually I usually laugh and swivel around in my chair like Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget. 

I mean do I really look like the kind of person who keeps real eyeballs in a jar on her desk?  Is that the vibe I’m putting out?  Because if so I should probably update my eHarmony profile to include this helpful information.

“I like long walks on the beach… and MURDER!”