The fact that this TEEN ACTIVIST made ten times what I make in a year for being uncharming and dancing terribly on a TV show fills me with blind rage.  Seriously, who is paying her $35,000 for speaking gigs?  I really want to go to one of these things and hear everything she has to say about being a TEEN ACTIVIST.  What does that even mean?  Did she just make the term up?  It is trademarked by the Palins? Can I be a teen activist too?  I have a lot to say about unwanted babies and hillbilly boyfriends.

Bristol Palin didn’t technically win ‘Dancing With the Stars’ last week, but financially, the 20-year-old mom is paso doble-ing all the way to the bank (I HOPE SHE BREAKS BOTH LEGS ON THE WAY THERE).

”Bristol made over $345,000 from being on the show and currently is getting $35,000 for each speaking gig she does,” an insider (SARAH PALIN) reveals to me. “Yet, all that is going to feel like pocket change if one or two of the big deals she’s currently working on actually happens.”

Palin family friends tell me there is a major deal in the works for Bristol to be the spokesperson for a middle American fashion brand (SOLD PRIMARLY AT KMART), as well as a book (CALLED I LOVE NEPOTISM AND BROKEN CONDOMS) deal and a multi-million offer to appear on another reality show (I HOPE ITS DEADLIEST CATCH).

“None of this should come as a surprise,” one industry source tells me. “This year’s ‘Dancing’ was up over 23 percent thanks to Bristol. (WHAT? THE RATINGS WERE UP BECAUSE OF THE CONTROVESY BROUGHT ON BY DIE HARD REPUBLICANS KEEPING HER ON THE SHOW NOT FROM HER CLUMSY EPILEPTIC WALTZ)Love her or hate her, you just can’t turn away. (YES I CAN) This is what makes her so valuable (AS A DEAD HOOKER). Now is her time to make a lot of money and she knows it.”

It’s still unclear what her next step will be following ‘Dancing.’ (I HOPE ITS FORGETTING TO TAKE HER BIRTH CONTROL) She is currently back in Alaska after driving her truck the five-day journey home, sans mirror ball trophy. One thing is for sure, Bristol, just like her mother, is not going away anytime soon.

Via Popeater