December 2010
6 posts
1 tag
Terrible Life Decision Tuesday
Just ate a popcorn ball like this that was covered in what must have been magical unicorn blood chocolate and cancer curing peanut butter. I tried to resist it’s temptation but when I saw it my tongue literally flopped out of my mouth like I was a cartoon sailor and a hot blond just walked by. I think I even heard the ghost of Patrick Swayze singing “She’s Like the...
2 tags
I wish there was a website called hereiswhatallyourfriendsandfamilywouldlikeforchristmas.com because I am running out of ideas and I think everybody might end up getting shake weights this year.
2 tags
Dad: Tonight’s Larry King’s last show!
Me: Cool.
Dad: Yeah I guess Pierce Bronson is taking over for him.
Me: Ehh… I don’t think so dad.
Dad: Yeah! James Bond is going to be the new Larry King!
Me: I think you’re thinking of Piers Morgan.
Dad: Who’s that?
Me: Some British guy.
Dad: Oh, he’s that mean judge on American Idol with Paula...
2 tags
I was working on writing my Christmas cards, but I got sidetracked and instead started drinking the gateway drug of spikedd eggnog which led to me drinking boxed wine which led mee to watching the first season of Doug on dvd.
so now that I’ve completed my life goals for the evening its time for me to end the day with my favorite activity… drunk question bombing tumblr ask boxes. i...
4 tags
Although I wish to never be never stalked by a serial killer I hope that if one day I am I have something witty to say during our final show down. You know that intense part in the movie about five minutes away from the closing credits when the main character survives near death and slays the crazy madman? Saying something funny and insightful during that moment is what’s most important to...
3 tags
I can’t believe we’re still giving clothing as a gift. ’Cause whenever you get clothing as a present, you always open it up and you think, not even close. And the person that gives it is always like, “You can take it back!” That’s all right, I’ll just throw it out. Don’t give me an errand.
Jim Gaffigan Beyond the Pale
This is exactly how I...